Later in the drill the history teacher asked anyone knew where the Declaration of Independence was signed. Little TJ once again raised his hand and replied, "At the bottom."

Dyslexic Devil Worshipper

Drilling her students for a test, the history teacher asked if anyone could recite Washington's farewell address. Little TJ raised his hanal and replied, "Heaven."

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for
a living. All the typical answers came up -- businessman, doctor, lawyer,
and so forth.

However, a little boy was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the
teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer
in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they
put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will
go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some exercises and then took the little boy aside to ask
him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"Not really," the boy said, "He actually plays cricket for India but I was
too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.

"I don't want to worry you," Peter said to his teacher, "but last night my dad said that if I didn't get better grades on my next report card, someone was going to get a licking."

Mrs. Fenwick, the comely fourth-grade teacher, recognized the gleam in little Tad's eye, the way his gaze followed her around the room. He obviously had a crush on her, and, calling him aside after school, she gave him an opening to discuss his infatuation.

"Tad, your grades have been slipping, and I notice you've not been paying attention to your sehoolwork. Is something . . . distracting you?"

Blushing slightly, the boy said in a soft voice, "Yes, Mrs. Fenwick."

"By any chance," she said compassionately, ''would it be me?"

Tad nodded, and the teacher smiled warmly.

"Tad, I want you-to know that I'm very flattered and, to tell you the truth, I do hope t5 have a husband one day . . . someone who's as bright and cute as you."

"Then why not—"

"Why not you?" she asked. "Well, Tad, the truth is I don't want a child."

Tad held up two fingers and crossed his heart, In that case, I promise I'll be super careful!"

Having retired several months before, Mr. Boniface was bored and went looking for part-time work. Landing a job as a school bus driver and given a very short route to begin with, he was handed a set of keys and told that his bus would be in spot number fifteen the following morning.

The next day Mr. Boniface went to the bus depot and boarded his bus—which, as it happened, was decorated with Sesame Street characters. Though he felt a tad foolish driving a bus with Big Bird on the door, Mr. Boniface knew-the lads must like it and put the decorations; from his mind.

The first lads he picked up were two chubby girls, both of whom happened to be named Pat-, tie. Both carried peanut butter sandwiches and as they took huge, snorting bites, dripped jelly all over the bus. At the next stop, portly Hoss and his mother came on, the woman going on; and on about how special her brilliant son was and how she hoped Mr. Boniface would drive very carefully. The last child on the route was Lester, who walked on holding a deck of cards.

As they rode toward the school, Lester suddenly broke out the cards and began playing with the other kids. However, it didn't take but a minute for Hoss to start screaming that Lester was cheating. After having honked a horn that sounded like Kermit, watched Pattie and Pattie eat like pigs, and listened to Hoss's mother babble on about her son, Mr. Boniface was in no mood for more screeching. Confiscating the cards, he sat Lester in the seat behind him and pressed on.

After a minute he happened to see Lester remove his shoe and start picking 3irt from between his toes.

"Christ!" Mr. Boniface screamed, "I've had it with all of you!"

Dumping the kids at school and rushing back to the depot, he stormed into his boss's office and threw down the keys.

"No more!" he shouted. "I just can't handle two all beef Patties, special Hoss, cheatin' Lester and his pickin' on a Sesame Street bus!"

Then there was the student who followed the examples of Caesar, Napoleon, and Patton ana. went down in history. . . .

Addressing the Catholic school class, the nun asked, "Is it wrong to have sex before you're married?"

Promiscuous Polly piped up, "Only if you're late for the ceremony."

"Say," Todd approached his teacher, "you wouldn't punish me for something I didn't do, would you?"

"Why of course not!" she replied. "Good," he sighed, " 'cause I didn't do my book report."