Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.

Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.

The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."

The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"

Dear Friend;

We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising
of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame
in Washington, D.C.

This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue.  It was
not wise to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never
told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since
Bill Clinton could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest
democrat of all.  He left not knowing where he was going, did not know
where he was, and returned not knowing where he had been.  And he did it
all on borrowed money.

Over 3,000 years ago Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your
shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised
land."  Nearly 3,000 years later Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels,
sit on your asses and light up a camel - this is the promised land."

Now, Bill Clinton is going to steal your shovels, kick your asses, raise
the price of camels and mortgage the promised land.  If you are one of the
fortunate people who has anything left after paying taxes, we expect a
very generous contribution to the worthwhile project.

Fraternally,

Bill Clinton Statue Committee

P.S. It is said that BIll Clinton is considering changing the Democratic
     Party emblem from a donkey to a condom, because it stands for
     inflation, halts productivity, covers up a bunch of pricks, and it
     gives a false sense of security.

 Average Iraqi

    Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of
    the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors

  Average American

    Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme
    park

  Average Iraqi

    Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation

  Average American

    Willing to participate in People's Choice Awards

  Average Iraqi

    Lines up by the thousands to die for country

  Average American

    Will go to any extreme to avoid jury duty

  Average Iraqi

    Has endured many food shortages during wars with Iran and embargo
    by West

  Average American

    Shoves McDonalds cashier if their Happy Meal doesn't include
    McCookies

  Average Iraqi

    Believes if he dies in battle, he will go straight to Paradise

  Average American

    Believes if, in a dream, you don't wake up before hitting the
    ground, you die

  Average Iraqi

    Has friend or relative wounded in ruthless wars of conquest

  Average American

    Has beer guzzling uncle who shot self in foot on hunting trip

  Average Iraqi

    Thinks Saddam Hussein is a political genius

  Average American

    Thinks Saddam Hussein makes Dan Quayle seem like Einstein

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively
named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic
number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75
vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass
of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one
reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally
occurred in less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which
time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.
Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each
reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally
in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as
government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be
found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of
concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is
allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium
can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not
promising.

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. "I
am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.

"No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.

"I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb.

"No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan.

"I've had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan.

"No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.

Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a
mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the
world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace,
where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming "I
am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so."

In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty: "I am
the smallest person in the world, Merlin agrees."

In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a
half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the hell is
Bill Clinton?"

During an International conference, three scientists, an American, a German, and an Indian, were
talking and bragging about the technological advances their respective countries have achieved
in the field of medicine.

The American said "In Washington,there was a baby boy born without arms so we attached
artificial arms on him. And now that he's grown up and became an Olympic professional boxer and
a gold medalist !"

The German replied, "That's nothing to what we have achieved.Back in Berlin, there was a baby
girl born without legs so weattached a pair of artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time
Olympics arathon gold medalist !"

The Indian interjected " Is that all you have  achieved , just gold medalists? In Patna, Bihar
we had a baby boy born without a HEAD ! We attached a COCONUT and called him Laloo and he has
grown up and now he is the Chief Minister of Bihar !"

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a private plane.
Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash!
And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.

Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of
here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane.
Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have
to live !" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this
country, the most honest politician of India ....and above all the most intelligent person
living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live !"

Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane. The old saint
said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old
man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."
 
The school boy said, "Don't worry ! There are still two parachutes left with us ! The most
intelligent person,Laloo Yadav, jumped off the  plane with my school bag !"