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blonde jokes
Blonde Jokes (Showing 1 -12 of 688)
Blonde and diapers

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?

A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

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What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

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Emergency Kit Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."
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Blonde and the hail storm…

A blonde was driving her car home one night when she suddenly

found herself in the middle of a really bad hail storm. The hail

stones were as big as golf balls and her car gets dented up really

bad. The next day she takes it in to a repair shop to have the dents

looked at.

The repair guy noticing that she is blonde and quite dingy when she

speaks, decides to have some fun and tells her to blow into the tail

pipe of the car really hard when she gets home, and that doing this

will cause all of the dents to pop out.


When she gets home she starts blowing into the tail pipe as hard as

she can, over and over. Just then, her best friend who also is blonde

shows up. Her friend sees her blowing into the tail pipe and is quite

startled by the action. She blurts out all flippantly, “What are you

doing!?”


She tells her the repair guy told her to blow into the tail pipe real

hard and the dents would pop out.


Her girlfriend says “Duh! You need to roll up the windows first!”

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Going to the sun…

A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day. The

Russian said, “We were the first in space!” The American said,

“We were the first on the moon!” The blonde said, “So what? We’re

going to be the first on the sun!”. The Russian and the American

looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the

sun, you idiot, you’ll burn up!” said the Russian. To which the

blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know, We’re going at night!”

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Did you hear about the blonde that... Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
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Parachute Q: Did you hear about the new automatic parachutes, invented by a blond?

A: They open on impact.
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Blondes Pain A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."
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Blonde Medical Terminology

  • Anally - occuring yearly

  • Artery - study of paintings

  • Bacteria - back door of cafeteria

  • Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails

  • Bowel - letter like A,E,I,O,U

  • Caesarian Section - district in Rome

  • Cat Scan - searching for kitty

  • Cauterize - make eye contact with her

  • Colic - sheep dog

  • Coma - a punctuation mark

  • Congenital - friendly

  • D&C - where Washington is

  • Diarrhea - a journal of daily events

  • Dilate - to live long

  • Enema - not a friend

  • Fester - quicker

  • Fibula - a small lie

  • Genital - non-Jewish

  • G.I. Series - soldires' ball game

  • Grippe - suitcase

  • Hangnail - coathook

  • Impotent - distinguished, well known

  • Intense Pain - torture in a teepee

  • Labour Pain - got hurt at work

  • Medical Staff - doctor's cane

  • Morbid - higher offer

  • Nitrate - cheaper than day rate

  • Node - was aware of

  • Outpatient - person who had fainted

  • Pap Smear - fatherhood test

  • Pelvis - cousin of Elvis

  • Post-operative - letter carrier

  • Protein - favouring young people

  • Rectum - damn near killed 'em

  • Recovery Room - place to do upholstery

  • Rheumatic - amorous

  • Scar - rolled tobacco leaf

  • Secretion - hiding anything

  • Seizure - Roman emperor

  • Senology - study of knighthood

  • Tablet - small table

  • Terminal Illness - sickness at airport

  • Tibia - country in North Africa

  • Tumour - an extra pair

  • Urine - opposite of you're out

  • Vericose - located nearby

  • Vein - conceited

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Lesbian A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, "Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lesbian." The blonde goes over to her anyway and says, "So which part of Lesbia are you from?" Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicapped zone.
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Blonde paints the porch A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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