redneck jokes
Redneck Jokes (Showing 1
-12 of
120)
You might be a redneck if 79
You might be a reneck if...
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling. You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac. You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid. A Wookie has ever told you that you need to shave. You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette with your lightsaber.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
Immunizations are worn fanny-packs, full of lizard's feet, owl's beaks and pig's ears.
Double By-Pass Surgery is only done when it's shown on The Learning Channel.
You have a choice of walkers, with or without a gun rack.
You share the Recovery Room with a sick cow.
The bill is figured either in dollars or chickens.
Hospital food consists of picking your own corn on the roof.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling. You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac. You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid. A Wookie has ever told you that you need to shave. You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette with your lightsaber.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
Immunizations are worn fanny-packs, full of lizard's feet, owl's beaks and pig's ears.
Double By-Pass Surgery is only done when it's shown on The Learning Channel.
You have a choice of walkers, with or without a gun rack.
You share the Recovery Room with a sick cow.
The bill is figured either in dollars or chickens.
Hospital food consists of picking your own corn on the roof.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You might be a redneck if 77
You might be a reneck if...
You don't think the Ewoks are primitive. You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow. You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem. The Rancor monster refused to eat you.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You don't think the Ewoks are primitive. You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow. You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem. The Rancor monster refused to eat you.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You might be a redneck if 30
You might be a redneck if...
You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.
You have barnyard animals living in your house.
Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.
Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."
Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.
You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.
You have ever shot a possum on your porch.
You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs when they get into it.
You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.
You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house....not including 22 caliber.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.
You have barnyard animals living in your house.
Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.
Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."
Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.
You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.
You have ever shot a possum on your porch.
You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs when they get into it.
You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.
You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house....not including 22 caliber.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You might be a redneck if 72
You might be a reneck if...
You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.
You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.
You put a Clapper on your headlights.
You need a dictionary to spell your name.
You don't change your socks until the first pair rots off.
People ask your wife when her baby's due and she's not pregnant.
Your driveway is two tire tracks with grass growing down the middle.
You've ever invited friends over to show off what's left of the squirrel that you shot with your deer gun.
You have more tires in your yard than on your trucks.
The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read the label on the bottle.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.
You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.
You put a Clapper on your headlights.
You need a dictionary to spell your name.
You don't change your socks until the first pair rots off.
People ask your wife when her baby's due and she's not pregnant.
Your driveway is two tire tracks with grass growing down the middle.
You've ever invited friends over to show off what's left of the squirrel that you shot with your deer gun.
You have more tires in your yard than on your trucks.
The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read the label on the bottle.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You might be a redneck if 78
You might be a reneck if...
Ambulance is a mule driven buckboard with a spinning lantern.
Nurses wear flour sack uniforms and look like burned out cloggers.
Dogs hang around O. R. for scraps.
Maternity Room is a do-it-yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife and a string.
Anesthesiologist in bib overalls, feeds you a clear liquid out of a mason jar.
Your Gynecologist is Ernest.
Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig.
The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass.
Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
Ambulance is a mule driven buckboard with a spinning lantern.
Nurses wear flour sack uniforms and look like burned out cloggers.
Dogs hang around O. R. for scraps.
Maternity Room is a do-it-yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife and a string.
Anesthesiologist in bib overalls, feeds you a clear liquid out of a mason jar.
Your Gynecologist is Ernest.
Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig.
The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass.
Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You might be a redneck if 75
You might be a reneck if...
You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok... without using the word "chicken".
You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.
You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok... without using the word "chicken".
You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.
You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You might be a redneck if 24
You might be a redneck if...
On stag night, you take a real deer.
You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
Your back porch is bigger than your house.
There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
Your secret family recipe is illegal.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
On stag night, you take a real deer.
You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
Your back porch is bigger than your house.
There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
Your secret family recipe is illegal.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
How to Know where a Driver is from
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone,brick on accelerator:
California
With gun in lap:
L.A.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat:
Italy
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game:
Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window:
Texas city male
One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road:
Texas country male
One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment:
Texas female
Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car:
Colorado
One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter:
Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plate.
Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna:
West Virginia male.
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on:
Florida "seasoned citizen" driver, also known as "no-see-um" Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone,brick on accelerator:
California
With gun in lap:
L.A.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat:
Italy
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game:
Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window:
Texas city male
One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road:
Texas country male
One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment:
Texas female
Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car:
Colorado
One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter:
Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plate.
Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna:
West Virginia male.
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on:
Florida "seasoned citizen" driver, also known as "no-see-um" Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
Expensive Fishing Trip
Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.
They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!" Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!" Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You might be a redneck if 74
You might be a reneck if...
You re-use dental floss to save money.
You've ever drunk mouthwash just because you're too lazy to walk down to the liquor store.
Your homecoming basketball game was rained out.
Your baseball bat "ain't never been used on a ball, but it's sure hit plenty of other things."
You've ever shot a mouse inside your home. You might be a redneck Jedi if...
Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel's.
You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.
There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You re-use dental floss to save money.
You've ever drunk mouthwash just because you're too lazy to walk down to the liquor store.
Your homecoming basketball game was rained out.
Your baseball bat "ain't never been used on a ball, but it's sure hit plenty of other things."
You've ever shot a mouse inside your home. You might be a redneck Jedi if...
Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel's.
You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.
There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You might be a redneck if 07
You might be a redneck if...
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
You go to the family reunion to pick up women.
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
You go to the family reunion to pick up women.
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.
Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
Redneck Morals
The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet.
The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.
"That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire."
About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue.
"What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts.
He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.
"Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.
A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. "I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"
The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry." Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.
"That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire."
About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue.
"What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts.
He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.
"Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.
A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. "I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"
The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry." Send Free SMS To Any Mobile In INDIA or broad
Contents © copyright 2007 mobilesmsworld.com, Inc. All rights reserved.
Free Online sms
sms marketing,
premium sms,
sending sms,
free sms,
sms text,
sms message,
send free sms,
bulk sms,
sms advertising,
internet sms,
funny sms,
sms services,
sms software,
sms download,
picture sms,
online texting,
short messaging service,
sending,
text messaging,
text message,
sms for free,
flash sms,
free online sms,
sms phone,
sms ringtones,
sms chat,
sms providers,
cheap sms